I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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