I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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