who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
