i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
