If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
