Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
