You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
