i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
