She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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