we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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