Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Girls should come with a carfax report
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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