Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
