Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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