I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
