two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
