There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
