when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize