The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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