I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
