i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
