Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
