When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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