my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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