im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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