i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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