On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
