two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
