Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
