Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My room smells like vodka and shame
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
