I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
