I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
