there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize