IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
