I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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