omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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