Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
