were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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