you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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