my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
