Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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