Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize