I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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