i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
