Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
