put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
