Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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