Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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