dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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