The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
