I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
