No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This toilet bowl is my home.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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