If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
