So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
