I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
