I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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