Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
