We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
