Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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