I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
