i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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