When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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