You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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