apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
